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The BPD Blog


Stories, tips, and tools for
Borderline Personality Disorder

How To Stop An Argument

healthy conflict relationships

Are you hitting a brick wall when it comes to disagreements with someone you love?  

Here's how to turn the argument into a peace talk:


Forcing someone to agree with you or admit they are wrong will leave you stuck in a battle you can't win.  You can yell, scream, plead, threaten, and pout... but nothing you do will get them to budge an inch.  And you're left feeling frustrated and defeated.  

If you are sick and tired of arguing without coming to an agreement, I've got three simple steps for you to turn things in your favor. 


1. Actively show that you are listening

It's more about what you are communicating with your BODY LANGUAGE than what you are communicating with your words.  Make eye contact with the person.  Wipe that scowl off your face and show with your facial expression that you TRULY CARE about what they are saying and thinking.  After all, isn't this how you want them to treat YOU?


2. Validate their kernel of truth... AND yours

Keep the balance here.  If you only acknowledge YOUR truth, they may feel unheard or ignored.  If you only acknowledge THEIR truth, YOUR OWN needs and requests may be swept under the rug.  The goal is to acknowledge what is true or understandable about their point of view, without ignoring or disrespecting your own emotions, wants, and desires. 

3. Ask them for their input

After you've heard them out and acknowledged what is fair about both their side and your side, it's time to start problem-solving.  But instead of offering up solutions or trying to fix the problem yourself, see if they have some ideas!  You may be able to come up with an out-of-the-box solution when you put two heads together.



Knowing what to say is half the battle, so check out this list of validating statements and practice using them in your next argument!


CLICK HERE to get a list of validating phrases!




Join our next class on November 16, 2020 - VALIDATING YOURSELF AND OTHERS